HOW TO IDENTIFY AND DEAL WITH TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

 

Most people are in a relationship these days and while there are healthy relationships, there are also toxic relationship. These toxic relationships can be extremely harmful to our well being. So what exactly is a toxic relationship and how do you know if you’re in one?

A toxic relationship has been defined as a relationship characterized by behaviours on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and not infrequently physically damaging to their partners. A toxic relationship is not safe unlike the healthy one. It is draining to your energy and damaging to your self esteem. A toxic relationship is characterized by dominance, jealousy, insecurity and abuses of all sorts.

SIGNS YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

1. MUTUAL AVOIDANCE: This happens when you are deliberately avoiding your partner, you don’t just want to be in the same place with them. In their presence you are only looking for their absence and you are grateful for their absence.

2. SELF BETRAYAL: This is neglecting yourself just to please your partner. When you are constantly giving up your values or hobbies just because your partner does not want you to do them. It is constantly doing things your partner wants you to do not what you want to do, especially if they are things you don’t like or what to do.

3. DRAMA: There is always something happening in your relationship. There are lots of complaining and arguments. There are lots of disagreement that leads to quarrels or fights. You are constantly moving from one argument to another.

4. DEPRECATION: Your partner does not value you and is always picking on you. Nothing you do is ever right or appreciated. There is criticism about everything, they are never pleased with anything.

5. UNHAPPINESS: You are just sad, thoughts of your partner doesn’t have the same effect as it used to. Thoughts of him or her make you unhappy, being with them no longer makes you happy. The excitement and the buzz has died, infact seeing him or her kills your joy.

TYPES OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

1. CONDEMNER: This ‘condemner’ is constantly deprecating you. They never miss the chance to belittle you. They are always condemning your ideas or actions. They are always judging you. Nothing you do will please this person. They will say words like ‘There’s nothing you know how to do.’ ‘Can you ever do anything right?’. You probably go into an argument because of the statement or you are constantly tolerating it until you start believing that you really can’t do anything and you are incapable of making good decisions. Most times this person is egoistical and would tell you words like. ‘ What can you do without me?’ ‘You’re lucky you have me if not you won’t be able to survive.” This person will continuously bring you down and lower your self esteem so they will feel good about themselves.

2. THE USER: These types are constantly demanding something from you. What makes this toxic is because you will end up never having done enough for them. They will drain you financially and mentally and because they are with you because of what they are getting from you they will leave you if they find someone else who will do more for them.

3. THE CONTROLLER: This starts out with jealousy, jealousy that you might appreciate at the early stage of the relationship if it is not too controlling. The controller is always on your neck. They always want to know where you are, who you are with, what you doing and so on. They stay intruding on your privacy. Asking for your passwords and if the request is denied they immediately think you are cheating or hiding something from them. Most times this is often caused by their own feeling of unworthiness.

4. THE CHEAT : The cheat is continuously cheating on you. This affects your self esteem making you feel as if you are not worth it or good enough. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t value you.

5. THE ABUSER: There are various types of abusers such as the physical abusers and the verbal abusers. Either one, protect yourself from both. Don’t be with a person who hits you because you have done something wrong. Most times the people that do these are the controllers. They will hit you just because you forgot to do something or you failed to do that. The verbal abusers are like the condemners. They are constantly saying words to hurt you or bring you down. Please don’t stay in such relationships. Most times people finding it hard to get out grin such relationships still believing they still love you. Anybody that loves you will not constantly hurt you.

WHAT TO DO

So they are basically two things you could do, it’s either you fix it or you leave it. If you are going to fix it talk to someone about it first, someone that you trust like a family member, friend or counselor. Call your partner up, talk to your partner about the issues you have with them, ask the partner to stop the behaviour you don’t like. If your partner refuses to change after a certain period that you set, threaten to end the relationship. If the person still wants you there will be adjustments if not move on and severe all ties with the person.

Remember, staying in a toxic relationship hoping they will change is only wishful thinking. If after you’ve tried fixing it and it’s not working then leave. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship, the deeper your emotional scars will be.