Standards, standards, standards. I’m sure you’ve heard about it a lot of times and you’re still going to keep on hearing about it. Having standards in a relationship or friendship is highly important. It helps you measure the person’s treatment to you.
Your standards are your requirements from a prospective partner, the qualities you want in a person. What you want or don’t want. The boundaries you are going to set.
When setting standards, they should be clear and precise. You don’t want something like “Maybe I’d give him three chances if he physically abuses me.” That is in no way clear or precise. What’s the maybe doing there? Three chances lol. You should have a clear understanding of what you want or don’t want. The example shows that you could put up with it, it doesn’t clearly state that you won’t.
STEPS IN SETTING YOUR STANDARDS
BE SURE OF WHAT YOU WANT
This is the first important step. Know what you want. From the example above, it’s clear that the person isn’t sure of what she wants or how she wants to be treated. There is no clarity whatsoever. So be sure of what you want. Know what you don’t want also, it can help you to be very clear on what you want. So an amendment on the above example will be something like this… I wouldn’t be with someone that continuously abuses me physically. See, no maybe, no chances because it’s something you cannot accept. Have a clear and precise standards, it will help you stick to it. Determine your value and know what you want.
DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS
So now you know what you want. Great. Don’t settle. Stick to it. Don’t waver one bit. Don’t be like the woman in the example above. Don’t say well next time he wouldn’t do it, next time he’d treat me better. Well, if you keep on settling for less, you are going to keep on getting less(tweet this).
COMMUNICATE YOUR VALUES
This is extremely important. You need to communicate your values, what you stand for, what you won’t accept to your prospective partner. If he had a way of speaking to you in a condescending manner and you don’t like it tell him about it. If he keeps on doing it then he doesn’t respect you enough to treat you right and I’m sure you don’t want someone that treats you badly.
HAVE A TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT ATTITUDE
This is in some way connected to not settling for less. Have a take it or leave it attitude, take it if he meets your standards, leave it if he doesn’t. You don’t have to make excuses and exceptions for him. Set your standards, communicate it to him. If he’s really interested in you he will take it if he’s not he will leave it and that’s the purpose of your standards. To sieve the nonsense so the meaningful ones can stay.
BE WHAT YOU WANT
It would be hypocritical of you to want something you can’t give. You can’t be dishonest and be saying you wouldn’t put up with liars when you are one yourself. That’s not how things work. Be what you want, be the person you want to be with.
I know people have issues when it comes to setting standards because they feel like what if I have no one at the end of the day. Would you rather not give the wrong one a chance to mess with you or you are good with accepting and waiting for the good one that will treat you right? It’s definitely up to you though.
So I’d end this with examples of standards and preferences.
So you know what you want when setting up your standards. Now don’t confuse standards with preference or expectations. Your preference can change but your standards should not. Your preference most likely involves physical appearance. You might prefer light skinned guys to dark skinned guys this doesn’t mean that you should stick to the light skinned guy that treats you bad and doesn’t meet your standards and disregard the dark skinned guy that meets them.
I need an honest man
A God fearing man
I need someone that will respect and love me
I need someone that has the same values with me
I need someone that will support and build me.
I want a good looking man
I want a good dancer or singer
I want a guy that dresses well
I want a guy that has a good sense of humor.
Your preference is what you want, your standard is what you need. Don’t lower your standards for anyone. If they are really interested, they’d meet them.
Don’t lower your standards by begging for someone’s attention, affection and time. Don’t put up with a trait you don’t like, know what you want and go for it.
Follow, like and comment. Let me know what you think and what your preference and standards are.