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Standards, standards, standards. I’m sure you’ve heard about it a lot of times and you’re still going to keep on hearing about it. Having standards in a relationship or friendship is highly important. It helps you measure the person’s treatment to you.

Your standards are your requirements from a prospective partner, the qualities you want in a person. What you want or don’t want. The boundaries you are going to set.

When setting standards, they should be clear and precise. You don’t want something like “Maybe I’d give him three chances if he physically abuses me.” That is in no way clear or precise. What’s the maybe doing there? Three chances lol. You should have a clear understanding of what you want or don’t want. The example shows that you could put up with it, it doesn’t clearly state that you won’t.

STEPS IN SETTING YOUR STANDARDS

BE SURE OF WHAT YOU WANT

This is the first important step. Know what you want. From the example above, it’s clear that the person isn’t sure of what she wants or how she wants to be treated. There is no clarity whatsoever. So be sure of what you want. Know what you don’t want also, it can help you to be very clear on what you want. So an amendment on the above example will be something like this… I wouldn’t be with someone that continuously abuses me physically. See, no maybe, no chances because it’s something you cannot accept. Have a clear and precise standards, it will help you stick to it. Determine your value and know what you want.

DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS

So now you know what you want. Great. Don’t settle. Stick to it. Don’t waver one bit. Don’t be like the woman in the example above. Don’t say well next time he wouldn’t do it, next time he’d treat me better. Well, if you keep on settling for less, you are going to keep on getting less(tweet this).

COMMUNICATE YOUR VALUES

This is extremely important. You need to communicate your values, what you stand for, what you won’t accept to your prospective partner. If he had a way of speaking to you in a condescending manner and you don’t like it tell him about it. If he keeps on doing it then he doesn’t respect you enough to treat you right and I’m sure you don’t want someone that treats you badly.

HAVE A TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT ATTITUDE

This is in some way connected to not settling for less. Have a take it or leave it attitude, take it if he meets your standards, leave it if he doesn’t. You don’t have to make excuses and exceptions for him. Set your standards, communicate it to him. If he’s really interested in you he will take it if he’s not he will leave it and that’s the purpose of your standards. To sieve the nonsense so the meaningful ones can stay.

BE WHAT YOU WANT

It would be hypocritical of you to want something you can’t give. You can’t be dishonest and be saying you wouldn’t put up with liars when you are one yourself. That’s not how things work. Be what you want, be the person you want to be with.

I know people have issues when it comes to setting standards because they feel like what if I have no one at the end of the day. Would you rather not give the wrong one a chance to mess with you or you are good with accepting and waiting for the good one that will treat you right? It’s definitely up to you though.

So I’d end this with examples of standards and preferences.

So you know what you want when setting up your standards. Now don’t confuse standards with preference or expectations. Your preference can change but your standards should not. Your preference most likely involves physical appearance. You might prefer light skinned guys to dark skinned guys this doesn’t mean that you should stick to the light skinned guy that treats you bad and doesn’t meet your standards and disregard the dark skinned guy that meets them.

STANDARDS

I need an honest man
A God fearing man
I need someone that will respect and love me
I need someone that has the same values with me
I need someone that will support and build me.

PREFERENCE
I want a good looking man
I want a good dancer or singer
I want a guy that dresses well
I want a guy that has a good sense of humor.

Your preference is what you want, your standard is what you need. Don’t lower your standards for anyone. If they are really interested, they’d meet them.

Don’t lower your standards by begging for someone’s attention, affection and time. Don’t put up with a trait you don’t like, know what you want and go for it.

Follow, like and comment. Let me know what you think and what your preference and standards are.

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0 Comments

  1. While I loved reading your post, it was pretty tough to get through it. From blogger to blogger, I’d recommend you split your paragraphs with images or blank lines. Not sure how it looks on a desktop but on mobile, it needs work 😊

    1. Thanks for the suggestion, I’d work on it 🤗

  2. […] KNOWS HER WORTH: the high value woman knows her worth and is grounded in her values. She sets standards for herself. She knows what she deserves, she knows that she’s the prize, she knows her trust and love […]

  3. Very great article, I think a lot of people (including myself) needed to be reminded this.

    I did tweet the quote along with this article… Thanks Nianni.

    1. I’m so glad you like it. I’d be sure to check out the tweet.

    1. Nice, I’m glad you found it helpful.

  4. Just what i needed. Thank you for the great insight. Setting standards simplified for me!

    1. I’m glad you understood it better and found it helpful. Thanks for reading.💯

  5. Beautifully written! Much appreciated.

    1. Thank you, I’m glad you like it. 🤗

  6. Such a great post! So many people settle for relationships that aren’t good enough to begin with and then one of them, or both, end up cheating. Of course they do! Never settle. It takes a bit of guts, though, to make your values clear in the beginning, it can feel like you might risk losing the other one straight up. And that’s the point, if they don’t share your values, it’s hard to make a relationship work.

    Teresa Maria | Outlandish Blog

    1. Exactly. If they don’t share your values, it’s really hard to maintain the relationship. Never settle for less. 💯

  7. One lesson that I had to learn in my late teens/early twenties was to not settle. It’s a tough lesson to learn and it has many ways for you to go back and forth but once yo understand your worth, there is literally no going back!
    I loved this post!

    Rosie

    1. Thanks.
      Learning not to settle for less than you deserve is really important. It could be hard at first but once you do, there’s no going back and you begin to attract better people.

  8. Love this! It is so important to have standards and stick to them.

    1. Yes. It’s highly important.

  9. Awesome post! I loved the tips Especially don’t settle for less & communicate your values. Thank you

    1. Thanks. It’s really important to communicate your values and not settle for less than you deserve. 💯

  10. I love how you highlight the difference between preferences and standards! I have been told I have high standards and I probably do, but I think it is important to stick by our values and connect with people who know what they need. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this; I love your opening image. It says so much!

    1. I love the opening image as well.
      I believe it’s important to stick to your values and not lower your standards for anyone and know what you need. 💯

  11. Abundance of Flavor

    I love this! There’s so much truth here about standards vs. preferences and standing up for yourself, but also love how you included that you have to hold yourself to standards too. Great balance here!

    1. Thanks. It’s really important to be who you want to be with it .

  12. postcardstoriesblog

    That’s a wonderful picture at the beginning of the post. It says a lot 🙂

    1. Yes it does. Thanks for reading. 😀

  13. I am so glad I found this post. This is what I needed to hear!

    1. Thanks for reading. I’m so glad you found it too. 🤗

  14. […] Setting standards for a relationship: How to go about it […]

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